hooplah

Quote of the Day: Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. - Maria Robinson; this quote is what I will be living by for the rest of my life.

I hate to be a Negative Nancy, but today has not been the best. I mean, sure it's the night before the 4th of July, celebrating out independence through fireworks, burgers, and get togethers; but for some reason tonight, I'm just not myself. I feel like I'm kind of being ignored. I don't want to be the center of attention or anything, but it's sometimes nice to just be noticed. Little things have been getting to me lately. I've tried to talk sometimes, and the people I talk to just kind of carry on their own conversation, forgetting I even opened my mouth. Did I do something wrong? Surely I would know about it, but then again, maybe not. My mom always told me, and still does, that I open my mouth too much. I am aware of this problem. It's so hard though, to control your tongue. Life get's boring, and I guess it leads to me blabbing about stuff that is not important at all. I've tried to stop, and I think it's getting better. Obviously not so much to reduce the issue. Gosh, what is wrong with me? I used to be so...good. Everyone used to love me, when I walked into church or something I would always get a "Kelseyyyy!", or something along those lines. Now I barely get a "hello." That's all I want sometimes, I simple hello, just to tell me that I matter to someone. Life kind of sucks right now for me. I just need someone to talk to, anyone if they would be willing to listen. I mean, I have people that do, but they always end up telling me "Well yeah, the whole youth group is like that.." or "You just have to press through." I've been pressing through my whole life. I hate it when people compare me to others. Or relate me to another situation. I'm myself, with my own issues, and my own solutions (which I can't seem to find.) I need advice for ME. Or maybe just someone to listen. I read about people who have cried in others arms, it looks and sounds like it would be nice. Just to let go, completely. Or for someone to really care when they ask "is everything alright?" Like, not just saying it because they feel obligated to or something. I want someone to say "no something is the matter, tell me." whenever I say "oh it's nothing.." That would mean the world to me right about now. Not because I want to sound like a sob story or anything, just once again to feel cared for.
Please don't thing that I just "want attention" or something stupid like that, because I just needed to vent.